I started this story four years ago. It has undergone so many harsh revisions that I’m surprised it’s still alive. But because it is, I’ll finally post it.
In whatever struggle you may be facing, know that God sees. Let Him fight your battles. Victory belongs to the Lord.
“God, do You hear me? Why won’t You listen and answer? Where are You, God?” Lynae clutched the quilt on her bed as she knelt and poured out her heart. The hour hand on her clock had dragged to after 11 PM. Just like last night. Her brother, Jordan, coughed in the room adjacent to hers, but other than that and the ticking of the clock, the night lay silent. Grateful for the privacy, she went on. “Why does it seem like there’s a huge brick wall between us, God, and my cries only bounce off of it? You promised You would never leave me!”
Lynae sank to a sitting position and propped her head on a clenched fist. She stared at the nightlight glowing through the darkness. “God,” she whispered. “Show me something. Tell me something. I’ve been seeking You earnestly day after day and nothing seems to change. Why are You silent? Worst of all, I don’t even know what my struggle is! I just want to hear from You!”
She remained still for a moment, waiting. Maybe God would speak this time. Peeking at her hands, Lynae noticed marks from her fingernails imbedded in her palms. She waited and rubbed her skin to remove the dents. But that wall seemed more sealed than ever. Where had she stepped out of line? Why did God not reveal that to her? Lynae crawled into bed with an aching, empty heart. She felt as though she were parched and couldn’t find water. She couldn’t even shed a tear to release herself. Her emotions seemed too battered. She couldn’t remember ever having gone through so many subsequent days without receiving any touch of comfort from God. He was all she could cling to, but where had He gone?
The alarm clock’s grating voice woke her the next morning. She groped through the darkness to turn it off. Lynae fumbled her way through the unwelcoming cold to the closet and pulled a dress from its hanger. She wished the insensibility of sleep could continue, but it was impossible. The day with its battles had begun. This morning, instead of focusing on the struggles of last night, she decided to recite verses to herself while combing her hair. She read her daily Bible portion but didn’t find anything outstanding. Yes, it was wonderful that Daniel was such a great prophet who had visions and could interpret them. But she hardly understood their depth and what difference did they really make in her life today?
Somebody was slamming doors upstairs. Jordan must have gotten up before she did. She slipped upstairs to add to the commotion and help prepare breakfast on time. The day fell into its normal pattern with the children leaving for school and Dad going to work. Laundry waited to be done and freezers begged for something to fill them. So the day passed in a whirl. When bedtime came, Lynae threw her molasses-splattered apron in the laundry basket, dropped a few boxes of cookies and a loaf of bread into the freezer, and carried a stack of clean laundry downstairs.
“Maybe tonight I should just drop into bed instead of facing another fruitless hour of battle in prayer. If God isn’t responding by giving me peace, why should I even pray?” Lynae passed her desk where her Bible still lay open since morning. She could read a chapter to catch up with her reading plan and then try to get more sleep than she had for the past some nights. Perching on the edge of her chair, she began skimming the tenth chapter of Daniel. Again, he had a vision. Nothing new. But all his strength drained from him as if it were something very significant.
“Without strength sounds familiar!” Lynae lamented. She read how a heavenly messenger touched Daniel and spoke to him. How wonderful. Wait. What did he say? Lynae gasped and traced the words as she read them over to herself, more slowly this time. “Then he said unto me, ‘Fear not, Lynae; for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy God, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.’” Stunned by the direct application, she flopped against the back of her chair.
Shaking her head, Lynae continued reading. The bathroom door slammed, but she was too absorbed to notice the house-shaking reverberations. She identified with Daniel again in verse seventeen where no strength or breath remained in him, but this time it was because of the awe that was filling her parched soul. And then came verses eighteen to twenty-one. “O man greatly beloved, fear not; peace be unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong. Knowest thou wherefore I come unto thee? And now will I return to fight with the prince of Persia…”
“Be strong, yea, be strong.” More verses flitted through her mind. “The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.” That was found somewhere in Exodus, right? Perhaps this was a battle she couldn’t see. Maybe she didn’t need to figure it all out. Maybe this belonged to God and His angels. What if Michael, the angel, was engaged in a struggle against demons that were trying to damage her life!
“I am not fighting this battle, whatever it is,” Lynae realized. “I don’t need to know the reason or outcome. It’s not that God can’t hear me. Daniel sought the Lord for a long time, fasting and praying. He didn’t’give up and then God came through for him. I must continue to seek God patiently. I shall hold my peace while He fights for me.” In a daze, she closed her Bible and prepared for bed. The bathroom door rattled, and a bedroom door slammed.
Lynae marched to her brother’s bedroom and called through the door. “Hopefully you never go sleepwalking!” She chuckled at the thought, then added, “Well, you probably couldn’t, because you’d wake yourself up.”
Jordan opened the door a crack and queried innocently, “Hello. What?”
Knowing he knew what she had said, Lynae replied, “In other words, you slam doors. Good night.”
“Good night!” he sang in return.
Lynae swatted at him, and he slammed his door shut. The toothbrushes rattled in their holder. Lynae slipped into the bathroom and with just a twinge of guilt, she banged the door hard enough that she was sure Jordan’s teeth rattled.
“Hold your peace.” Sometimes she should. But this time she hadn’t, and maybe that was okay.
Under her purple-speckled quilt, Lynae drew a deep breath and allowed her body to relax. How wonderful it felt. Yet better still, was knowing that her soul was at peace. Did she have more answers than she had yesterday? Hardly. Had she won a great victory? No. But she would remain at peace, letting God fight whatever battle the devil had been using to pull her down. She didn’t have to understand everything, because God did. “Thy words were heard. Be strong, yea, be strong, Lynae. I will fight for you…” and she fell asleep until the slamming bathroom door jolted her awake.
Inspired to Inspire 